Trying to live in the present and plan for the unknown.
As I send out resumes and try to see which interview requests contain God's call, I'm forced to look 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, and even 5 years ahead to see where I might be and where I think I want to be. As I'm sure all my fellow volunteers know, it's hard to be in more than one place at a time. So, this is just a quick note to you all to try to remind everyone, especially me, to be here, in this life, right now, and not off in 'planning the future' world. I hope it helps any of you who are feeling the same.
In a recent interview, I was asked to explain what has been most rewarding about my year at St. Leonard's and my past internship experiences...I said it was working with people - real people. The people who know God's voice and want to do right by God and right by their families and friends and society, but mostly people who want to follow God's will for them. Working with the most venerable people of our human community has been the most gratifying and rewarding aspect of any job or internship position I've had in the past and especially present in my current ministry. I'm going to miss the people who come into my office daily to update me on their latest grade on a test, or ask me to help them check their e-mail, or tell me a story about the hardships they've been through before coming to St. Leonard's and the battles they've won since they've completed certain programs. I hope God can continue to direct me to experiences where I can work with and serve God's people.
I hope God calls me somewhere I'm needed in the future, but for now...I'm needed here. So here's to keeping an eye on the future and my heart and hands in the now.
Peace,
Emily
p.s...talk about living in the now...I'm running a 10 mile race (The Broad Street Run) this Sunday in Philadelphia in memory of my boyfriend's late uncle Dean Caponi. Please keep myself and my team - Team Dino - in your prayers.
Thanks & God Bless!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Over the Hump
Sometimes things just never get into my thick skull no matter how many times I hear them. Things like "the more you give the more you get", "let go and let God" and "this too will pass". No matter how many times I hear these things and experience them to be true, I somehow forget again. And again I have experienced the miracle of what I know is true coming to pass with my community. Just before our mid-year retreat I felt alone, frustrated and just plain fed up with living in community. Yet, this was the storm that always comes before the calm in life.
In a recent conversation a friend asked me how my community life was going and it was then I realized the frustration and loneliness had passed. So many times I have experienced hard times in life, but these times always let way to calmness and joy. I should have known this was coming all along! Although I don't feel extreme joy everyday and sometimes I still feel frustration, I no longer allow these feelings to linger. I'm finding my way back to enjoying the things happening around me and making the most of the unique experience I have living in New York. Even though I'm ready to go back to familiar faces, I'm no longer itching to get out of here ASAP. I hope I can look back on these past months to remind myself "this too shall pass"...and maybe this time I'll actually get it.
Also, I'd like to share some photos of various happenings from NY!
Kira, Jen and I celebrated Jen's birthday at South Seaport in NYC! We went to a great bar and enjoyed homemade cake. Candles, knife, plates and birthday serenade courtesy of the bar ;-)
Kira's friend from CA, Rachel, came for a surprise visit!!! She spent some time up in the Bronx with Jenny from the block and then she, Kira and I spent a day in the city enjoying the sites.
My ministry site, OPening Word, had one of its annual fundraisers. Here I am with some of the wonderful women we teach helping to support a great cause :-)!
In a recent conversation a friend asked me how my community life was going and it was then I realized the frustration and loneliness had passed. So many times I have experienced hard times in life, but these times always let way to calmness and joy. I should have known this was coming all along! Although I don't feel extreme joy everyday and sometimes I still feel frustration, I no longer allow these feelings to linger. I'm finding my way back to enjoying the things happening around me and making the most of the unique experience I have living in New York. Even though I'm ready to go back to familiar faces, I'm no longer itching to get out of here ASAP. I hope I can look back on these past months to remind myself "this too shall pass"...and maybe this time I'll actually get it.
Also, I'd like to share some photos of various happenings from NY!
Kira, Jen and I celebrated Jen's birthday at South Seaport in NYC! We went to a great bar and enjoyed homemade cake. Candles, knife, plates and birthday serenade courtesy of the bar ;-)
Kira's friend from CA, Rachel, came for a surprise visit!!! She spent some time up in the Bronx with Jenny from the block and then she, Kira and I spent a day in the city enjoying the sites.
My ministry site, OPening Word, had one of its annual fundraisers. Here I am with some of the wonderful women we teach helping to support a great cause :-)!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Mid-year Retreat Funness!!
Our mid-year retreat was held in beautiful Denver, CO. We all gathered (in person and through skype) on Thursday to begin our retreat. Stefanie and Tony's homework for all of the volunteers was to tell our stories using 5 criteria we had been given ahead of time, but also to be creative. Everyone did a wonderful job of creatively sharing their story especially when it came to using each of our 5 senses during the presentation.
After everyone had shared, we came together to talk about our collective story. It was incredible how many of us had gone through the exact same roller coaster of emotions without realizing everyone was feeling many of the same emotions. I think this realization brought our group even closer and helped us all to feel not so alone in our community life and ministry. We were also given the task to write our collective story in a short paragraph and were given a very limited amount of time to do so. This proved to be a little challenging, especially trying to make sure that everyone was being heard including the NY girls, but we were able to push through and come up with a short paragraph about our time so far as Dominican Volunteers (at the end of this blog entry.
As the retreat came to an end, it was hard to see everyone scatter to many different parts of the country, but comforting to know we would be together soon enough for our end of the year retreat. The retreat was a great time to come back to our ministry sites refreshed and energetic!
After everyone had shared, we came together to talk about our collective story. It was incredible how many of us had gone through the exact same roller coaster of emotions without realizing everyone was feeling many of the same emotions. I think this realization brought our group even closer and helped us all to feel not so alone in our community life and ministry. We were also given the task to write our collective story in a short paragraph and were given a very limited amount of time to do so. This proved to be a little challenging, especially trying to make sure that everyone was being heard including the NY girls, but we were able to push through and come up with a short paragraph about our time so far as Dominican Volunteers (at the end of this blog entry.
As the retreat came to an end, it was hard to see everyone scatter to many different parts of the country, but comforting to know we would be together soon enough for our end of the year retreat. The retreat was a great time to come back to our ministry sites refreshed and energetic!
*I want to especially thank Tony and Stefanie for all they do for the DVUSA. There is no way that my year, and I am sure the same is for the other volunteers, would be as life changing if the two of you were not part of it. You do so much behind the scenes work and as much as some of us complained about sharing our stories, I think we all had a great time listening to one another! Thanks a bunch!!!*
"We have learned that we need personal time and time with others as well as that personalities can change. We can see God's power in our lives and the need to trust God's will. We learned that faith is diverse within intergenerational relationships. We have struggled with communication with both those we serve and within the communities we live.
We have experienced challenges concerning trusting the Holy Spirit and patience. We have also experienced growth in self and relational knowledge, new things, trust, and vulnerability."
Friday, March 5, 2010
Un-invited Friday excitement
Today at lunchtime another Teacher Assistant (TA) and I were with the kids, instead of the usual 3 people. We were on a trip to the bathroom before sitting the kids down to eat and then nap. As I was making sure that the boys were washing their hands and behaving one of them yells "Dennifer! Deres wader on da foor!!" He's right. Crap. Literally. The toilet is flooding. After I stare at it for .2secs and realize there is no local water shut off like on a house toilet to stop it, I shuttle the boys down to the girls bathroom to the other TA to finish business. Miraculously it stops running, and the secretary is super nice and brings two mops and helps me start cleaning.
As we are mopping, one of the ladies runs into the bathroon and yells "There's a fire in the church!!!" Tracy and I both stare at eachother, drop the mops and start rushing to get the kids down to the room for their coats. (Torch is in the old convent which is semi-attached to St. Nicholas Tolentine Church. They're separated by huge thick stone walls) We get the kids back to the classroom for their coats and are told that we have not been instructed to evacuate by the firemen yet but be ready. I pulled the "Mom voice" out of somewhere, and it worked! The kids listened amazingly well and put on their coats. We were told to feed the kids lunch because the firemen were aware of our situation and they will let us know if we need to leave. Five minutes into the kids attempting to eat lasagna while wearing poufy parkas and scarves we are told to leave and stand accross the street. We were there for about 30-45min. Luckily, my kids were pretty good and semi-entertained by the 2 news helicopters circling like vultures and the fire trucks.
No one was hurt in the fire, but there looks like a lot of damage done to the sanctuary. From what I hear the police are still looking into the cause of the fire, which may have begun in a supply closet.
Atleast this excitement happened on a Friday, I dont think I could handle a Monday with this much action :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
As Lent Begins
I don't know if it is politically correct to say so, but Happy Lent! I hope that everyone got all of the partying out of them over our retreat, Valentines Day, and Mardi Gras :).
Since coming home from our retreat (which was absolutely amazing!), things have really picked up speed. On Tuesday my supervisor formally offered me a job for after I finish my DV year. I was flattered by such a strong display appreciation for what I have been doing here at Casa. I have a week to let her know my decision, and I am doing my best to give it due consideration. I am still leaning towards teaching in the fall, but I don't want to overlook this opportunity.
Then, yesterday we had people over to interview for the 2 open casework positions . I am sooo ready for them to begin and get settled so that I can pass on to them and the current caseworkers all of the things I am doing that the caseworkers should be doing.
Currently, I am swinging between the two extremes of wanting the future to come now so that I can begin the rest of my life and really needing extra time (I don't know where it is going to come from) to think and pray about and plan and work towards the rest of my life.
This leads me into my 'Facebook status' that Stefanie forgot to ask me about. I think my status would say something like "Casa and Genesis House: Temporary homes, preparing for the future" (fyi, Genesis House is the name of my community). In both Houses/Casas, people are in transition. A common phrase at Casa is that we are "preparing the children for permanency." Even though Casa and many of its employees have been around for a long time, we try to always recognize that the children's lives are on hold while they are in our care and that our goal is for them to be better prepared for the next part of their lives.
Similarly, Genesis House is the formation house for the Dominican Sisters of Houston. As Sr. Pat likes to say, we are the "revolving door community." People are in and out, year to year if not more frequently. This gives the sense that, while we have a good community now, it is not a lasting situation. While I do think that both Casa de Esperanza and the Dominican Sisters of Houston will be a part of my life even after this year is over, I also have a strong feeling that where I am now is not permanent.
In all truth, not too many things in our lives are or will be permanent, but right now I am especially in-tune with the fact that my current situation is temporary. It also remindes me of what Lynn Allvin said at Orienation, that we are voluntarily displaced during our time of service.
In light of my (much longer than I had anticipated) post, I challenge you, my fellow DVs, to share your experience of being in ministry and community temporarily and as a voluntarily displaced person.
On a similar note, I would like to hear what other people are doing for Lent, especially for the accountability. My action for Lent is that I am going to set aside time every day to pray and listen to God.
Many blessings during this Lenten season!
With Love,
Kristen
Since coming home from our retreat (which was absolutely amazing!), things have really picked up speed. On Tuesday my supervisor formally offered me a job for after I finish my DV year. I was flattered by such a strong display appreciation for what I have been doing here at Casa. I have a week to let her know my decision, and I am doing my best to give it due consideration. I am still leaning towards teaching in the fall, but I don't want to overlook this opportunity.
Then, yesterday we had people over to interview for the 2 open casework positions . I am sooo ready for them to begin and get settled so that I can pass on to them and the current caseworkers all of the things I am doing that the caseworkers should be doing.
Currently, I am swinging between the two extremes of wanting the future to come now so that I can begin the rest of my life and really needing extra time (I don't know where it is going to come from) to think and pray about and plan and work towards the rest of my life.
This leads me into my 'Facebook status' that Stefanie forgot to ask me about. I think my status would say something like "Casa and Genesis House: Temporary homes, preparing for the future" (fyi, Genesis House is the name of my community). In both Houses/Casas, people are in transition. A common phrase at Casa is that we are "preparing the children for permanency." Even though Casa and many of its employees have been around for a long time, we try to always recognize that the children's lives are on hold while they are in our care and that our goal is for them to be better prepared for the next part of their lives.
Similarly, Genesis House is the formation house for the Dominican Sisters of Houston. As Sr. Pat likes to say, we are the "revolving door community." People are in and out, year to year if not more frequently. This gives the sense that, while we have a good community now, it is not a lasting situation. While I do think that both Casa de Esperanza and the Dominican Sisters of Houston will be a part of my life even after this year is over, I also have a strong feeling that where I am now is not permanent.
In all truth, not too many things in our lives are or will be permanent, but right now I am especially in-tune with the fact that my current situation is temporary. It also remindes me of what Lynn Allvin said at Orienation, that we are voluntarily displaced during our time of service.
In light of my (much longer than I had anticipated) post, I challenge you, my fellow DVs, to share your experience of being in ministry and community temporarily and as a voluntarily displaced person.
On a similar note, I would like to hear what other people are doing for Lent, especially for the accountability. My action for Lent is that I am going to set aside time every day to pray and listen to God.
Many blessings during this Lenten season!
With Love,
Kristen
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thoughts on the Feast of St. Agatha
St. Agatha is one of the many early martyrs of the Church, dying in Sicily in the persecutions of one or another vindictive Roman emperor. We know next to nothing about her beyond this. However, we do know that she has a special patronage for bell makers and against sudden fires and breast cancer, among other things.
Her “story” sounds like it was ripped strait from the Grimm Brothers and written in Latin: a secret Christian during a persecution who was the victim of a corrupt local governor. Said governor, like all the best B movie villains, gave up a fully developed character long ago for better access to one or more vices. In this case, the governor (who has a name, but it’s not that important) consists entirely of lust. Poor Agatha was variously imprisoned in a brothel, the governor’s private chamber, and actual dungeons, and at one point even lost her breasts as they were mutilated off as one more psychological, physical, and sexual abuse at the command of the lecherous governor. Despite all that, she would neither move from Christ nor give herself over to Governor Lusty. She gained everlasting life sometime around 250 A.D.
There are two questions I have to ask whenever I read a story about someone like Agatha. The first one is “Who was the real Agatha?” I mean the truth is I, like most people of our era, can’t get enough of the whole notion of “based on a true story.” I love reading nonfiction stories about marines and spies and other real people who lived and died on this world. I’m also genuinely shocked whenever I read a headline suggesting that there are new historical findings that shed light on some figure from the past. In one sense it is a good and noble thing to seek the truth and reject anything that rings of falseness. In my ministry I tutor kids and I want an accurate idea of what that kid needs to improve in his or her class. It does me no good to hear “He’s a good kid,” that’s not facts to work with, that’s a story.
And yet, as Christians one of our core beliefs is the rejection of knowing the “whole story” until God chooses to reveal it to us. So, my second question is, “Does it matter?” Maybe Agatha was plain-looking, rounded up with the whole of her nameless community and executed. Maybe she almost gave up and renounced only to receive strength and support from an unknown source. Maybe she really was a beautiful maiden that a lusty governor could not defile. Does it matter?
More and more I realize that answering God’s call means finding your identity in God. I may have never thought of myself as a teacher before this year, but that’s where God seems to be calling me now. Do I think this plan makes sense? I’m not sure yet. I don’t think Agatha signed on specifically to pray to God on behalf of bell-makers, Malta, and those afflicted by fire and breast cancer. But that’s how she serves God and the Church. May it please God that we may follow her example.
Her “story” sounds like it was ripped strait from the Grimm Brothers and written in Latin: a secret Christian during a persecution who was the victim of a corrupt local governor. Said governor, like all the best B movie villains, gave up a fully developed character long ago for better access to one or more vices. In this case, the governor (who has a name, but it’s not that important) consists entirely of lust. Poor Agatha was variously imprisoned in a brothel, the governor’s private chamber, and actual dungeons, and at one point even lost her breasts as they were mutilated off as one more psychological, physical, and sexual abuse at the command of the lecherous governor. Despite all that, she would neither move from Christ nor give herself over to Governor Lusty. She gained everlasting life sometime around 250 A.D.
There are two questions I have to ask whenever I read a story about someone like Agatha. The first one is “Who was the real Agatha?” I mean the truth is I, like most people of our era, can’t get enough of the whole notion of “based on a true story.” I love reading nonfiction stories about marines and spies and other real people who lived and died on this world. I’m also genuinely shocked whenever I read a headline suggesting that there are new historical findings that shed light on some figure from the past. In one sense it is a good and noble thing to seek the truth and reject anything that rings of falseness. In my ministry I tutor kids and I want an accurate idea of what that kid needs to improve in his or her class. It does me no good to hear “He’s a good kid,” that’s not facts to work with, that’s a story.
And yet, as Christians one of our core beliefs is the rejection of knowing the “whole story” until God chooses to reveal it to us. So, my second question is, “Does it matter?” Maybe Agatha was plain-looking, rounded up with the whole of her nameless community and executed. Maybe she almost gave up and renounced only to receive strength and support from an unknown source. Maybe she really was a beautiful maiden that a lusty governor could not defile. Does it matter?
More and more I realize that answering God’s call means finding your identity in God. I may have never thought of myself as a teacher before this year, but that’s where God seems to be calling me now. Do I think this plan makes sense? I’m not sure yet. I don’t think Agatha signed on specifically to pray to God on behalf of bell-makers, Malta, and those afflicted by fire and breast cancer. But that’s how she serves God and the Church. May it please God that we may follow her example.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Buenos tardes!
Hey ya'll! Hope the week is going good for all ya'll. I first want to say how much I enjoyed the Advent blog! It was so awesome and everyone had such great posts! It was really nice for me also because my community pretty much has no prayer time. The other volunteers I live with are all Americorp and they really have no desire to have community prayer. So I wanted to propose an idea to everyone. I got a webcam for xmas and Stefanie gave me this awesome idea to have prayer sessions with you guys through skype! I was thinking we could do the liturgy of the hours maybe once or twice a week. If anyone is interested please make a comment or let me know in someway. I enjoy personal prayer time but I really have been wanting some form of community prayer. Thanks guys and have a blessed week!
Becca
Becca
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