Sunday morning walk

When I walk the streets of Amityville, it begins to feel like home. The sun streams through the few clouds and the multi-colored leaves dance through the air-I love the east coast! Yet, everything isn't flowers and dasies. I think about the women I teach. What are they doing on this perfect Sunday morning? I have the time to take a stroll, but do they have time to just be? For some I think they do, but for others I'm not sure. At times I struggle with guilt thinking of the many things they do to keep their heads above water, but what good does it help for me to feel guilty? What good is it for me to give up the safety and security of my life to make it more like their lives?

I realize my life is planned. There is a reason I am able to get money easily and can't even fathom living in costant fear. The stability of my life allows me to be a part in creating stability for their lives. And their lives are a part of mine. We are the same in so many ways. Neither of us are perfect-at many times I become frustrated when a women dosen't come to class for days at a time or leaves early because "mucho sleepy, Miss Sarita." And I realize there are times their children or their heath must come first, but I know they are like me and at times skip class because they just don't feel like it.

And so all this runs through my head on a Sunday morning walk. I also think of and miss my family and friends, and thank God for their presence in my life. Then I tell myself my life's not so bad if the worst thing is I go a few months without walking my dog or laughing till I cry with my friends. There is so much more out there I have yet to miss and so much is happening now I have yet to appreciate...and all of it is planned. I may not hold the book. I may not be the one to highlight the important days or draw smiley faces near the things I anticipate, but they happen anyway. I'm not in control.

I'M not in control.
I'm NOT in control.
I'M NOT IN CONTROL.
And it drives me CRAZY....
....and puts me at ease.